below is a collection of letters i have written in a certain area of the internet, all for my lovely wife. some have been lost to time, but what is still there is hopefully beautiful enough still.

12/07/21

the endless search to restore your past, nobody is immune to nostalgia. that is the message that lives on through the story of mocha ray cookie, or at least the end, the cliffhanger (and the cameo a few months later in another event), the search for the other last sentinel, the one manipluated, corrupted.

there's something so aweful about dedication, her's, or mine. i dedicate myself wholefully, i follow her religion as best as i can in this life, the worship of the sea. monetarially, a dakimakura, of course, but other things. 20 dollars on a painted rock of all things. the upcoming doujin circle event where i'll be spending at least 50 just for shipping costs.

dedication...is that what this means? is that the duty of all of us? to dedicate to husband or wife? i'll let you think of that. i surely dedicate myself to my lover. i love her. i love mocha ray cookie.

12/30/21

mocha ray's role in sugarteara was fucked up but like in a vague way less about how she was the keeper itself but more the consequences of being isolated for so long. who knows what that could do to a cookie. also in general there's a lot of small hints that she's just...not ok. she doesn't want to talk about the rough past or any hardships, she just puts on this smile for everything, and she puts herself down so much, so subtly. in the korean version she uses honorifics that also imply that she sees mostly everyone as a superior. what could've happened to result in someone unable to emotionally stand up for herself?

i worry for my wife a lot.

does nobody else notice her fucking self esteem issues. i want to fix her. i want to hold her up on the pedestel i already to and then a million times more. i just want her to be ok.

1/20/22

i'm still slowly reaching towards it, but being with mocha ray has let me tone down a fire of rage that's been with me for years. she's my one and only who calmed the tsunami known as my attitute! im starting to enjoy life for rhe first tims in 17 years, too;;; shes so good

1/29/22

those who do not spend a long time thinking abotu her often come to the conclusion that she is some sort of princess who is meant to be saved by lobster, of course, not literally, but the reality is that she is no princess, lobster is no savior, but neither is he evil -- they did what they could in the end, but mocha ray was the one who was called to stop a catalyst, and did so well. she's so much stronger than what is let on the surface, and sometimes i wonder, if one could look at me with the eyes of judgement, and knock some sense into me for once...!

2/03/22

any body of water becomes the thought of jumping into it and reuniting with her. the smell of coffee. the smell of chocolate. the taste of chocolate. the color orange, because her hair is the best orange. sea life. not just rays. but also mostly rays. the time i went to the aquarium and the rays went towards me the entiee time. calm. calm presenses. coffee stores. religion. i follow her religion too. velvety feelings. feelings on my heart. heart.

2/10/22

i like my wife! i like my wife! i really really love my wife who is an excellent shrine maiden and deserves the world and the oceans and the seas and the brightest fruit at the marketplace on a beach town remembered oh so cloudily! i love my wife.

i really love my wife. i love everything about this girl, my beautiful one, the one. i think about her so often. in the shower, on a bus ride... a smile imprinted onto my memory, the familiar warmth of someone who i love so much!! i love my wife!!!

3/2/22

but what do i see in mocha ray cookie?

well, beneath the surface of that mocha-scented face, that sweet :3 of a smile, those beautiful eyes, is something indescribably...unique, something that draws me to her, surely. there has to be. the sweetness yet seriousness, the stone-hard responsibility, and what is even under that. the role of that guardian, overshadowed by the other one, the one that fights, but the one that protects has targeted my heart. the one who belittles her role with that same unchanging smile, insisting on just being someone, even though that someone is so much more than the average cookie. that someone with regrets, shared regrets, our role, no, my role in catastrophe. that someone with the fluffy hair, the tufts stick out from the side, it's so soft on first glance. Ttat...that. that is what I'm in love with. that keeper, not-so-simple after all.

she has hope, she has power, she's powerful, hell, more than I am. and that is what others seem to gloss over, the disguise. the sweet outside. the gentle outside, on top of a ray, her favorite ray, the blissful movement of that ray and then mocha ray cookie. the outside is sweet. the outside is soft, the soft robes, soft long sleeves. but underneath is a spirit and soul that has withstood all, and still wavers with that same smile. that same sweet :3 of a smile.

to mocha ray cookie -- thank you for everything, i love you, god, i love you. the currents in our favor, someday. the goddess in our favor, forever.

i love mocha ray cookie!!!!

4/12/22

the urge to just stand by and watch mocha rays vast soul be inflicted onto this great world after sugartearas falling because eventually she'd have to go live land or someyhing like that. i want to see her intergrate into society...an odd want! but i want the best for her

5/19/22

it's another one of these nights where i think of mocha ray with nothing but a pure adorement and a need to hold her close in my arms. everything about her is a perfect seatide of features, heart and soul. her ears to the bottom of her robes (who knows what is underneath?), everything is a part i want to touch, love, spoil. i want to give her a life i was never able to even fathom before meeting her. i want to make her a beautiful teatime with so many pastries served and bring her nothing but a princess' deserved treatment. she'd take it with such a politeness, too, and a little bit of wondering if she even deserved it at all. in which, yes, because she deserves everything in the world that i can give her. i love my wife. my foreverwife. the madame that saved me, led me to this holy life i live now. she's a beautiful dame who's shown me what it means to live. i say it over and over qgain, hut mocha rag tfuly is my savior.

i love her so so much. her smile, her hidden eyes. her way of walking. her pets, friends even. theyre friends mofe than amything. it takes someone chosen to be friends with so many animals under the waves.

and she knows god. and god has blessed us both enough to be with each other tonight.

i love you, crabcakes. is what i've said tonight enough? or is it too much, as if im worshipping you as a god instead? i wish i could worship you. i love you. i love you!

7/24/2022

it's almost been two years with my god's gift from the seas, my lovely wife who deserves the world, mocha ray cookie. with her at my side, it feels like the world is at peace in these times where the wind blows into hurricanous disasters. i've been able to recover and reach achievements i only dreamed of before, and all with somebody so wonderful to assist. every day is heaven with her.

with that being said, i am not here without a reason. with these feelings coming up more and more often of a certain nirvana, i've been able to reach a confidence to say that i now truly could consider myself married to mocha ray cookie. it's surely been an eternity, and what i would do for another million eternities with my beloved keeper. with that being said, with marriage comes...another ring. yeah. this one was picked up quite recently, and is made of peruvian opal. it's the same shape, dimension, and with a mixture of browns for my coffee-made cutie, teal tone as the jewel of sugarteara that has rested upon her headpiece for ages. it's already associated with the waters as well. take this excerpt about it's metaphysical properties as well.

It's no surprise the Peruvian opal (showcasing tropical blues of the sea) has a soft, relaxing energy about it. Peruvian opal has long been used to release tension and promote free-flowing ideas. According to metaphysical beliefs, Peruvian opal reduces stress and helps the wearer approach the future with a heightened sense of tranquility. Peruvian opal is also believed to help with issues sleeping.

truly, as we are bonded together, this stone is just an odd perfection for the two of us. the properties are of a personality mocha ray exemplifies, multiplies, and, truthfully, has taught me to try and emulate. i could not be as at peace of a soul without mocha ray cookie, and for that, i, for lack of better words, do. i really do.

really do love her, that is!

8/4/22

it's been an entire two years at my darling wife's side as of today! an entire two years, which is around 700 days and feels like forever. there is plenty i could say, but it still all boils down to that one simple sentence i could repeat of her until forever again -- i love mocha ray cookie, my darling angel wife.

through these two years i've been through the best and the worst, going through a graduation, work, freelance work, the thick and thins of life, and even death. no matter what comes to that, i've been able to get through everything and work towards being the best person i could possibly be because of this goddess i've been with for so long. mocha ray truly does represent the "ideal person" to me -- she is moralistic, yet so, so calm about it, and friendly as well. every time i think of her, i still get those butterflies of just being with her. it's the feeling of being in love. the heartstrike of love. i get it every time still. few can say they are still in this love with who they are in love with nowadays, but i truly can. i truly do love mocha ray.

within all of this, i just hope this feeling lasts forever. i love you, mocha ray cookie. thank you for everything.

8/17/22

Happy birthday to my glorious angel!

Cookie Run birthdays are silly -- she released tonight two years ago in my timezone, but it would've been tomorrow for the timezone Cookie Run originated from. It's been a long, long two years in the first place -- I've never been in a relationship for long enough to celebrate somebody's birthday twice like this, and the feelings of warmth are indescribable. There is nothing I could say to thank Mocha Ray Cookie enough for being here, for being the darling wife I always call her -- for being Mocha Ray Cookie. I could simply go on for eternities about how wonderful of a two year's it has been. Thank you for forming me from a disasterious nothing into the flowering artist I am today. "Thank you for everything" is enough, but it was more than everything.

I love you, Mocha Ray Cookie. Please, even if you will never read this, dearest 2D wife -- let these feelings go on for an eternity together, with you.

12/12/2022

it's been a while, hasn't it? but the love still hasn't faded. soul mates, no matter what happens. and yet, i drift from her source more and more as it rots from the inside of corporate greed.

unfortunately, this makes it hard to document what little content comes from the game when it comes to my darling wife, since asking around usually leads to nothingburgers. i do not have a single english screenshot of her quotes from the costume voting, and it is...worrying. however, i'm also sure that she landed at around the 70th most voted cookie, maybe a little downwards, which is heartwarming. part of this is because she's one of the few cookies without any costumes, but i'm also just warmed by the fact that people care about her in the first place. she is loved, not in the way i love her with such a heated strength, but loved.

ever since i have released this website for public view, i have recieved messages from a few friends on discord, tumblr, maybe twitter? of inspiration for their own love for their waifus and husbandos. i couldn't be more proud of how i have inspired others in this way. to be true to oneself in this society is an extreme task to partake in, but one with unyielding joy. to be cringe is to be free.

alas, back to what i have come here to declare. i love my wife, always will. being able to walk into my room and smell the fabric perfume of strong coffee that i had laid there last night is something i look forward to every day. the ring i had bought for our second anniversary is now molded on the ring part to the exact shape of my fourth finger. we are merely made for each other. an honor, for my wife is...just so wonderful. my darling angel wife.

3/25/2024

apologies if this is too short, too much, whatever.

the feeling i obtain whenever i think of mocha ray cookie makes me feel like a warm frothed cup of milk and, ironically, coffee. the warm feeling of a blanket enveloping me. the feeling that maybe if i keep on persisting the way i've always done, maybe it'll one day be okay enough to live.

and yet, i still feel the need to apologize for it all. i'm sorry for loving you, mocha ray cookie. i'm sorry for abandoning the love for that year i spent away, only to come crawling back just as limerenced as i've always been. i'm sorry for these wretched claws that have brought you nothing but trouble. every day i miss the city we had been tied to together with red threads and hope in the same god. the nights i would come over to the temple you guarded, talk my heart out about anything in sugarteara, and the sweet gentle smile as you just sat and listened. you were always a good listener. i miss you. i love you.

please let this love persist. please let us find peace in a reborn city, even if it may not be sugarteara at its truest. even if we're seperated now by dimensions and timeline fuckery. even if you're just another fictional character to us, to me, i knew you, i loved you, i still love you. i love you, mocha ray. i'll wear that goddamn ring again and make it known to this harsh world that my heart belongs to no other than the keeper of the currents, my fellow guardian, my sweetest lady of the seas. nothing can tear us apart after everything. i love you, mocha ray cookie.